I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
