I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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