My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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