Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
