What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
