Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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