jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
