Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
