i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
you made out with another girl for some wings
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
