She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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