omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
