I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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