pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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