please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
