Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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