I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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