I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
