somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
