Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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