I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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