i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
