her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
