Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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