I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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