I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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