now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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