It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
