we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
