I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
