He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
