By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
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they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
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I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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