You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
