We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
