i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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