it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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