I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
