3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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