My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
