I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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