Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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