i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
