I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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