Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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