I am puke
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
