Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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