Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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