Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
