Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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