I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
