so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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