i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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