dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
