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doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can't put those talents on a resume
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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