I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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