She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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