Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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