It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm just crazy horny about you
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Randomize
