There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
