the new term for farting is butt boxing.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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