I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
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is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
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When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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