hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
