umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
