I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
