I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
