sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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