Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
