i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
How naked do you want me to be?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
