He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
