he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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