I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
