You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
