sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
