my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
