my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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