I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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