Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
