hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
