I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
