I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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