is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
