Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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