your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
