meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
