this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Farmville is her only friend.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
